I have never in all my days seen one particular word move across the landscape of this nation and become part of its popular culture in such record time as …hold on a minute. I get a little nauseous just saying the word…. METROSEXUAL! What the hell is that anyway? I’m sure you have all heard or read the definition of this newly classified sexual identity, “The straight male who is in touch with his feminine side. Who is in tune with culture and fashion, blah, blah, blah.” Makes me want to lose the granola cereal I just had this morning. My own take on this phenomenon (and I know I speak for MANY of my gay brothers and sistahs out there) is what was wrong with the moniker that this minority group already had? I thought closet queen was perfect. But maybe I’m just being a 21st century bigot. It’s possible.

I have encountered several of these so called Metrosexuals. One of them I know quite well from the local bar I frequent. The bar is mostly straight and gay friendly. This person totally classifies himself as straight but loves to touch Pauly quite a bit when he has had a few drinks and rubs Pauly’s back constantly at the bar. Pauly don’t mind, mind you. He’s not the prettiest petunia in the patch but a good guy. He is also into fashion and is studying to be an interior designer. Oh, and he’s very sensitive to EVERYTHING. OK…? There is another fella’ I recently met who posed the question of what I thought about Metrosexuals. Pauly didn’t pull any punches and told him (with cocktail in one hand and cigarette in the other), “Sounds like a bunch of closet queens to me.” The fella’ was quick to point out that he didn’t feel that way and he himself enjoyed his manicures and facials and also enjoyed the ladies. He was very kind and bought Pauly a drink and hung out with Pauly the rest of the night. Oh, and buys Pauly a drink whenever he sees Pauly in the bar. OK…..?

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Bill Shakespeare knew how to turn a phrase, didn’t he? My personal favorite is, “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and acts like a duck. It’s a duck!” I live by that other famous line from Bill’s Hamlet, “This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” True, true.