The Comfort Zone?

It's a bonus day at work today.  Just got a brand new office chair with all kinds of buttons and levers plus it's donut Friday!!  Yippie!

 

However it is quite funny listening to everyone around me struggle to figure out the many options the new chairs offer.  You can tell this chair is designed with the fat ass in mind.  The arms of the chair open outward to accommodate the wide loads.  Thank God I still have plenty of room with the arms in their standard position!  My new chair is pretty darn comfortable.  Is that what we really need in the office?  Something to make us MORE comfortable.  I can barely keep my head from slamming against my desk after lunch on some days.  Now they give me this ultra luxurious chair, which I am sure will lull me into lullaby land!

 

The gal who sits directly on the other side of my cubicle is the complainer.  I believe corporate rules dictate there must be one complainer for every 10 staff.  She immediately started bitching that she didn't like the new chairs.  Then she started moaning about not being able to adjust the seat back to go up or down.  When someone tried to help her she retorted, "I don't have time for that!"  Oh, but you have time to sit across from me and bitch about it all day?  That's just fucking great!  I think it's time for my donut.

Happy Friday!

A Fine 'Whine'

As you can see, I had to redecorate the place a little. What do you think? You know how it is, after living in the same virtual space for so long you have to spruce things up a bit. Besides, I could barely read my own posts with that color scheme I had. The eyes just ain't what they used to be. And neither is anything else for that matter! I am slowly but surely feeling the onslaught of time. I think when you reach a certain age (for me it must have been 38!) the warranty on your caboose expires. Seems like everything starts to break. Mine started last year with the flat feet. Then it was the bunions. Now it's the knees and the eyes. I was prescribed glasses a few years ago to reduce the strain on my eyes because I'm always looking at a computer monitor. I hardly wore them until recently. I find myself wearing them every day. They definitely help reduce the fuzz around the words!

The one thing I don't mind is the gray hair. Can you believe that? I want to be one of those sexy black men who has that salt and pepper hair. But with my luck it will just be a nappy gray clump! I was hoping my silver locks would come in gradually but apparently they are on some kind of accelerated schedule. I looked at my head one day and it was like a bumper crop had sprouted up! So the gray is coming in but on a far decreasing surface area. Yes, the specter of pattern baldness continues. I have noticed that my poor barber Nick is having increased difficulty hiding it when he gives me a line across the front. It's like trying not to see the elephant in the room! And the BIG clue that I'm feeling my age is that I don't understand kids these days! But I will save that for another journal entry.

A-Muse-ing

I have received several e-mails with comments of praise about how much you enjoy reading my journal entries. My adoring fans are always wondering how I do it. I know some of you out there probably think I agonize for a week or more before I can put the right words together which are often poignant, timely and funny. You may think I'm doing hours of research to come up with the perfect entry. Or you may be asking yourself where I get my inspiration.

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I'm quite lazy and a notorious procrastinator (nothing new there!). Most of the entries I write take about 15 minutes tops! That's right. I usually spit something out right before I go to bed or when I wake up. Which means you are reading stuff I wrote while I was groggy as hell, sometimes drunk or possibly from my insomniac mind! Inspiration is purely random crap floating in my head that must be purged. I wouldn't call it the cream of the mental crop. More like that stuff at the bottom of the bowl that just settles there but you eat it anyway. From what I've read in many op-ed pieces it looks like my method of editorial style writing works for most journalists too. Where do I sign up?!!

My New Charity: Rol-Aids

Do any of you ever get that feeling? You know the one when you turn on the TV and you hear reports of bombings in Iraq and Afghanistan, genocide in Darfur, hundreds dead in the Gulf, another hurricane on the eastern sea board and your country is being run by some guy who looks like Alfred E. Newman from MAD Magazine? You say to yourself, "These must be the last days! I had better get my shit together because any minute I'm going to see four guys on a horse come riding down my street and they won't be musketeers!" (For those of you not familiar with the four men on horses thing go read Revelations in the Bible.)

As we saw within the last two weeks, any of our lives can be turned around in an instant. For many of us it won't take much. And we should ALL be saying, "There but for the grace of God go I!" Now don't you feel like giving more to those in need? I thought you did! You should thank me. This guilt trip was free of charge!!

OK on to something new. I just had my last podiatrist appointment. Yippie! Those co-pays were eating away at my beer fund!! I was told that my feet are healing just fine and I can run, jump and play! Within reason, of course. I'm eating buffalo wings right now but I'm seriously thinking about going back to the gym. No, really! I'm seriously THINKING about it! For real!!!! Oops! Just spilled sauce on the keyboard!

An Unnatural Disaster

The worst of the worst is upon us. No, I'm not talking about the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. Although it is a travesty which has devastated this country I'm referring to the supreme court! Chief Justice Rehnquist just passed away and Sandra Day O'Connor is on her way out which means the balance of power in the highest court will most likely shift further right. G. W. must be having a mini epiphany in the Oval office. This yahoo gets to appoint two, count them TWO justices to the highest court in the land! Most presidents dream about appointing one! In case you weren't aware, appointing a supreme court justice is a big part of a president's legacy. The decisions this court will preside over will live on past this president's term.

We were expecting Chief Justice Rehnquist might not make it through this presidential term but Sandra Day O'Connor's decision to resign was a monkey wrench in the machinery! Sandy was often the deciding vote in many decisions and was pretty moderate which meant you didn't know which side her bread would be buttered on! But now that may change depending on who G. W. puts on the bench and we all have a pretty good idea of the type of justice he is most likely to nominate! In the mean time we are all in this boat together and when the boat leans too far to the right we need to start moving to the left so this thing doesn't tip over!